The developer of Oliver House at 360 Smith lost their appeal to build their 700 story skyscraper (the largest ever constructed in the Americas) at the corner of 2nd Place and Smith Street. But it's only a matter of time before Oliver House appeals for...
... more please.
That Planetizen has taken the time to acknowledge the hard work I've poured into my quest to erradicate hipsters, hippies, yuppies, yunnies, yogurts, strollers, babies, dogs, dog poop, IKEA, BJs, and everything else "new" from our perfect brownstone paradise truly means the world to me.
It's no longer just the Swedes destroying Red Hook. According to The Brooklyn Paper, BJ's Wholesale Club is dropping anchor at the old Revere Sugar factory down the street from the crime-ridden IKEA!
We cannot allow these girls, with their outrageous headbands, to clutter up our serene sidewalks!
It appears God Himself has taken issue with the rapid gentrification of Carroll Gardens. Early this morning, a local HilBloeCoc brownstone was smitten by His mighty hand.
A spokesperson for the company, who asked to remain anonymous because she is embarrassed by her employer, said that "hipsters in HilBloeCoc are horny, and will insist they dine at Hooters only for the irony. But secretly, they love big tits and chicken wings just as much as rednecks do."
IMHO: It's bad enough these rugrats scurry around like actual rats through the neighborhood - now they're being let off their leashes?This morning around 10:15, I was taking my son into the little side at Carroll Park and when I opened the gate a little boy wearing a red Plymouth Summer Camp t-shirt ran out. I stopped him and asked where him “Where is your grown-up? Where is your mommy? Where is you babysitter?” He just shrugged and giggled and ran away. I went around to every person in the little side asking if they were with the boy, and nobody knew him.
Then I walked around asking each of the people in the sprinkler area, nobody there knew him either. He ran into the big side and laid down on the bridge without making contact with an adult. I went around that side as well and still nobody knew him. I finally went to get Kathleen [the park caretaker], and she did the same thing– she went around asking everyone and talking to the boy but not getting answers about his name or his caregiver’s name. She headed toward the middle monument area with him and FINALLY a babysitter appeared. I am not exaggerating that 20 minutes had passed since the boy ran out of the gate. I have no idea how long he had been inside the little play area before I got there.
The 'Baby Got Back' building, as I am now calling it, has reportedly scared off prospective buyers with its shoddy interior construction.
For more information, dial 1-900-Mix-a-Lot, and kick them nasty thoughts.
I'm excited as everyone else that the Red Hook Vendors are finally back and serving up their tasty treats - but it's become apparent that the influx of hipsters and yogurts has led to a drastic decline in the quality of this unique dining experience!
What used to be a short wait has become hours of standing behind hipsters blathering on about whatever hipsters talk about. I don't speak their language, so all I hear is "blah blah vegan... blah blah McCarren Park... blah blah let's move into this neighborhood and ruin its character".
Then a miracle! The city unanimously voted to define 2nd Place as "narrow", potentially limiting the scale and size of this horrid hipster-holder. The building received a stop work order, and now its future is in jeopardy. This means our subway entrance, scheduled to close for 8 months, will stay open!
... but this time, I'm flipping psyched! And I'm flipping the bird to all the yogurts throughout HilBloeCoc who thought they could come bring their crystal towers to our precious low-rise brownstone paradise.
An intern from Hunter College who is working for MTV provided an interesting statement that The Real World may not even film [in downtown Brooklyn] because they were having some issues with the BellTel Lofts building with the location at 116 Third Place in Carroll Gardens as the backup.
As a response, I'm forming a neighborhood alliance called CHARTS - Concerned Hilbloecockers Against Reality Tv Shows - to combat the threat of The Real World or any other reality television program from co-opting our brownstone paradise. Alex McCord, you are officially on notice!
They're the villains who opened Patois, Gowanus Yacht Club, Zombie Hut, Union Smith Cafe, Pacifico, Trout, and the infamous Oyster Bar. Sure, I patronize these establishments, but only because there are simply no other (decent) alternatives! I hate myself for it!“If we hadn’t done it, somebody else would have. But I just wish they’d thank us instead of chasing us through the streets with pitchforks.”How clueless is this guy? Not only is he oblivious to the destruction he's left in his wake, he's just as oblivious when it comes to our mob weapons! Those weren't pitchforks, you idiot. They were tridents! Big difference.
I admire this new term, as it adds a greater nuance to the overused 'hipster' term that has come to refer to anyone from post-college trust funders to 40-something stroller-pushing latte sippers. But I feel that “yunnies” doesn't go far enough, so I've come up with my own term: YOGURTs.
Yogurt (yō'gərt) n. acronym for Young Obnoxious Gentrifying Urban Rhetorical Terrorists: Yogurts are destroying the majesty of HilBloeCoc and the charming, gritty character of once-blue collar Williamsburg.
Fight the yogurts, take back our borough.
Are you fed up with this "BoCoCa" nonsense? Well I am!